We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
