Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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