I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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