Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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