Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
