Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
