New low: just hacked my moms facebook
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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