i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
