So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
