I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
