Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
