Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
