I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Congratulations! We have a period
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
