Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
