i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
