you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
