I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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