ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
