In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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