i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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