i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
