That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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