You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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