remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Someone shit on the floor
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
