In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
