ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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