When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
