I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
