Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize