dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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