This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
