It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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