Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Is it penis luge time yet?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
