i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
