His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
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