so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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