You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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