I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize