You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
