I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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