Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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