Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
