doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
