A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
