Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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