Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
