At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
