you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
