I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
