If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
