Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
