Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
