ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
