I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
