I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
