I think i peed on brittanys purse
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
