Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
