you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Dick very happy bro
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
