cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
