you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just want nice things and good sex
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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