my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Alive.
So much puke
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
