hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
