I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
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