she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
