He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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