Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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