Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just google imaged poop.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
