Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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