I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize