Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
