Don't make out with my wife yet
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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