ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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